Julius Caesar- A spoof.

LOCATION: Roman Assembly Hall.

CHARACTERS: Caesar, Metellus Cimber, Brutus, Decius Brutus, Casca, Cinna.

CAESAR: Are we all ready? If we aren’t, get me my iPhone. I wanna play angry birds.

METELLUS CIMBER: Well, everything’s ready, so yeah.

CAESAR: Shucks dude.

METELLUS CIMBER: O great Caesar,

I plead before you to---

CAESAR: Hahahahahaha Metellus. That’s so melodramatic!

(calling Casca)

Do you have popcorn? I’m enjoying this! (still laughing)

Metellus, you should propose a woman in this way, understand, but I’m not one.

METELLUS CIMBER: Caesar, just release my brother. He’s tired of counting the bars at jail and drawing spongebob and Patrick on the walls.

CAESAR: Nope. Plead more, this is better than Talking tom or angry birds.

METELLUS: (whispering) O man, why doesn’t this dude listen!?

(calling Brutus) Aye brutus, convince this dude! He’s so pig-headed.

BRUTUS: Come on Caesar. I’ll gift you something on Farmville, release this guy!

CAESAR: Wait a bit Brutus. Calpurnia’s still texting me constantly warning me about my murder.

What a strange woman huh.

CASSIUS: Aww come on Caesar. Release Publius, we’ll play on your Xbox after that ok.

He’s the only one who can defeat you at FIFA.

CAESAR: NO WAY! Publius will not be released!

I will be the only one to have the crown of the master of FIFA here!

CINNA: O Caesar, Publius is telling you to calm down. He just texted me about all the noise you’re creating which is disturbing his sleep.

DECIUS BRUTUS 

Great Caesar,--

CAESAR: Chuck Publius. I am the king! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

CASCA: OK enough Caesar. Now I’m gonna kill you.

CINNA: Any last wishes Caesar?

CAESAR: Yeah, let me play GTA IV. And let me text Calpurnia about it.

DECIUS: Ok here you go.

*hands over iPhone*

*15 minutes later*

CINNA: I will record this. Will get quite a few views on YouTube huh.

BRUTUS: Enough now Caesar. You cannot break my record in it, freak.

CAESAR: I’m done. Now time to run!

*Caesar tries to run out of the assembly*

*His Toga gets stuck in his throne*

EVERYONE: Not so fast bro!

*stab stab stab!*

CAESAR: *cough* I was supposed to say something here, ain’t it so?

BRUTUS: Whaaa?

CAESAR: Yeah. You too Brutus?

BRUTUS: Yup. Ok bye now. (laughs).

CASCA: Yaay. Mission accomplished. We win.

BRUTUS: Woohoo.

CINNA: Now what are you waiting for? Get the champagne!

DECIUS, METELLUS and the OTHERS: AWWWWWW YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

*enter Antony*

ANTONY: Mother of God.

Caesar, why do you have ketchup spilled on your toga?

BRUTUS: You mad Antony? It’s blood!

ANTONY: Whose?

METELLUS: Mine.

ANTONY: Oh my.

METELLUS: I was being sarcastic, idiot. Get over it.

CASCA: Ok we’re gonna kill you now. We’re not dumb to let you live.

BRUTUS: No way.

CASCA: We’ll kill you too Brutus.

BRUTUS: No way. I’ll kill Antony.

*stab stab stab!*

*Caesar wakes up*

CAESAR

*dripping blood*

*looks at wound*

Brutus?

BRUTUS: What the hell! Caesar!?

CAESAR: Why this Kolaveri Di, Brutus?!

BRUTUS: What?

CAESAR: WHY THIS MURDEROUS RAGE, BRUTUS?!

BRUTUS: Just like that. Now be dead again.

CAESAR: Nope.

BRUTUS: Ok.

*stab stab stab!*

BRUTUS: I hope he doesn’t rise again.

CASCA: Word man.

CINNA

*looking up from recording the whole scene on his HandyCam*

That was some video! Uploaded it just now. 2 million hits already!

METELLUS: Some jobless people over the internet huh.

BRUTUS: Like our dear Caesar here.

CASCA: Ok enough chit chat. The point is that we won! Let’s dance to Chammak Chhalo now.

DECIUS BRUTUS: Make Caesar and Antony the Chammak Chhalos.

EVERYONE

(evil laugh)

*CURTAIN*