LOCATION: Roman Assembly Hall.
CHARACTERS: Caesar, Metellus Cimber, Brutus, Decius Brutus, Casca, Cinna.
CAESAR: Are we all ready? If we aren’t, get me my iPhone. I wanna play angry birds.
METELLUS CIMBER: Well, everything’s ready, so yeah.
CAESAR: Shucks dude.
METELLUS CIMBER: O great Caesar,
I plead before you to---
CAESAR: Hahahahahaha Metellus. That’s so melodramatic!
(calling Casca)
Do you have popcorn? I’m enjoying this! (still laughing)
Metellus, you should propose a woman in this way, understand, but I’m not one.
METELLUS CIMBER: Caesar, just release my brother. He’s tired of counting the bars at jail and drawing spongebob and Patrick on the walls.
CAESAR: Nope. Plead more, this is better than Talking tom or angry birds.
METELLUS: (whispering) O man, why doesn’t this dude listen!?
(calling Brutus) Aye brutus, convince this dude! He’s so pig-headed.
BRUTUS: Come on Caesar. I’ll gift you something on Farmville, release this guy!
CAESAR: Wait a bit Brutus. Calpurnia’s still texting me constantly warning me about my murder.
What a strange woman huh.
CASSIUS: Aww come on Caesar. Release Publius, we’ll play on your Xbox after that ok.
He’s the only one who can defeat you at FIFA.
CAESAR: NO WAY! Publius will not be released!
I will be the only one to have the crown of the master of FIFA here!
CINNA: O Caesar, Publius is telling you to calm down. He just texted me about all the noise you’re creating which is disturbing his sleep.
DECIUS BRUTUS
Great Caesar,--
CAESAR: Chuck Publius. I am the king! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
CASCA: OK enough Caesar. Now I’m gonna kill you.
CINNA: Any last wishes Caesar?
CAESAR: Yeah, let me play GTA IV. And let me text Calpurnia about it.
DECIUS: Ok here you go.
*hands over iPhone*
*15 minutes later*
CINNA: I will record this. Will get quite a few views on YouTube huh.
BRUTUS: Enough now Caesar. You cannot break my record in it, freak.
CAESAR: I’m done. Now time to run!
*Caesar tries to run out of the assembly*
*His Toga gets stuck in his throne*
EVERYONE: Not so fast bro!
*stab stab stab!*
CAESAR: *cough* I was supposed to say something here, ain’t it so?
BRUTUS: Whaaa?
CAESAR: Yeah. You too Brutus?
BRUTUS: Yup. Ok bye now. (laughs).
CASCA: Yaay. Mission accomplished. We win.
BRUTUS: Woohoo.
CINNA: Now what are you waiting for? Get the champagne!
DECIUS, METELLUS and the OTHERS: AWWWWWW YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
*enter Antony*
ANTONY: Mother of God.
Caesar, why do you have ketchup spilled on your toga?
BRUTUS: You mad Antony? It’s blood!
ANTONY: Whose?
METELLUS: Mine.
ANTONY: Oh my.
METELLUS: I was being sarcastic, idiot. Get over it.
CASCA: Ok we’re gonna kill you now. We’re not dumb to let you live.
BRUTUS: No way.
CASCA: We’ll kill you too Brutus.
BRUTUS: No way. I’ll kill Antony.
*stab stab stab!*
*Caesar wakes up*
CAESAR
*dripping blood*
*looks at wound*
Brutus?
BRUTUS: What the hell! Caesar!?
CAESAR: Why this Kolaveri Di, Brutus?!
BRUTUS: What?
CAESAR: WHY THIS MURDEROUS RAGE, BRUTUS?!
BRUTUS: Just like that. Now be dead again.
CAESAR: Nope.
BRUTUS: Ok.
*stab stab stab!*
BRUTUS: I hope he doesn’t rise again.
CASCA: Word man.
CINNA
*looking up from recording the whole scene on his HandyCam*
That was some video! Uploaded it just now. 2 million hits already!
METELLUS: Some jobless people over the internet huh.
BRUTUS: Like our dear Caesar here.
CASCA: Ok enough chit chat. The point is that we won! Let’s dance to Chammak Chhalo now.
DECIUS BRUTUS: Make Caesar and Antony the Chammak Chhalos.
EVERYONE
(evil laugh)
*CURTAIN*
